On Motherhood...

This blog post has been in the making for a few weeks, because it’s something to which I’ve been giving a lot of thought. I wrote it in part for myself, and in part for those people who wait behind me at the checkout line on one of those days when Weston is screaming and I look like I want to kill myself. It’s a reminder to me of the joys of this crazy, trying, uncertain “mom” job, written especially for when times are tough or when I might be too old to really remember how great it all was.

So, on with the post! And Weston... I love you.

JEAN'S TOP 20 LIST ON MOTHERHOOD

(in no particular order)

Weston sandwich

1. Knowing that there exists a child in this world who adores me and needs me, who comes to me and smiles at me and is comforted by me.

2. Hearing the glorious music of baby laughter. Enough said.

3. Watching him eat, run, dance, and sleep. These four activities have the endless ability to bring his cuteness factor to the near-bursting point.

4. Hugging him, snuggling him, holding him, rocking him, and basically embracing him in whatever way possible.

5. Rubbing my cheek into his head and enjoying the soft scent of his hair. I could stay like that for hours, days… just resting against him.

6. Hearing him yell, “Mama!” in the morning when he awakes.

7. Watching him concentrate and focus on something. I love when I can see the gears turning in his mind.

8. Observing the “first” everything of an entirely new human being.

9. Feeling so proud of him with every small accomplishment, and feeling so happy in a whole new way as I watch him develop and learn.

10. Seeing others be kind to him, smile at him, and take an interest in him, and seeing how much it means to him.

Pure joy on the trampoline

11. Knowing that I can bring someone great joy just by making a fool of myself (and readily and happily doing so).

12. Finding relics of him around the house, even when he’s not there (e.g., a toy car in the sink, tiny fingerprints on the TV, etc.).

13. Having toys, children’s books, and tiny clothes in our home, and realizing that they’re only temporary and that I am blessed.

14. Recalling his movements and his hiccups inside my tummy, and realizing that it was him all along in there, alive and kicking.

15. Experiencing childbirth. I believe that it is at the arrival of new life that we are nearest to the divine, and that no majesty exists on this earth above creation.

16. Feeling a new type of anguish for other children in this world, no matter where they may be, who I know are suffering.

17. Daydreaming about him (and my future children) growing up and having children of their own, and about holding and gazing at those tiny grandbabies.

18. Witnessing my own heart swell with love, and realizing that I want to be a good person more so that I can be a good example to him.

19. Having a new, immensely important purpose in life, making my role in this family both more critical and more meaningful.

20. Envisioning infinitely more happiness in my world now than before I knew what it meant to be a parent. That’s even with the heartache included.

Happiness

(The interspersed photos are thanks to Lauri at Lalee Photography, who took them back in August. They were spur-of-the-moment and just for fun, and Lauri, being way too humble, later sent them to me and then actually apologized for what she called their “not-awesomeness.” Lauri, you are crazy. They are AWESOME, and so are you. Thanks again!!!)