So, Tim and I conducted a little social experiment this week. When we first moved into our apartment back in August 2006, we thought it was so bizarre that our neighbors never spoke to us or to each other -- no smiles, no pleasantries, nothing. (Very different from Provo, where you go to church with your neighbors and become best friends.) At first we questioned this oddity, but eventually, we just joined right in, ignoring our neighbors just like they were ignoring us.
This holiday season, I had a revelation. SOMEONE had to make an effort so that we could all get to know each other better, and doggone-it, if no one else was going to do it, then WE would! Seriously, how many times are we going to pass our neighbors, with both of us avoiding eye contact? How many times will we mutter "Hi" without even knowing their names?? So, I made these cute little Christmas flyers inviting our neighbors to a "Holiday Get-To-Know-You Party!" at our apartment this past Monday. I handed them out a week and a half in advance, close enough that they would remember, but far enough away that they could mark us on their calendars and save the date.
We only actually have six neighbors in our little "area" -- two couples who live in the little house next to us, and two girls who live in separate apartments just upstairs from us. So, I figured that turn-out might be a little light as it were. Incidentally, no one RSVPed, which at first led me to believe that no one was coming. However, I eventually reconsidered, and figured that they may have felt weird calling us to RSVP, since they don't even know us (hence the purpose of the party). So, I went ahead and planned a fun little evening. I cleaned and mopped and vacuumed and baked for much of the day on Monday, and the menu was impressive by my standards: warm hors-d'oeurves, fresh basil tomatoes, lemon poppyseed bread, spinach dip with crackers and carrots, chocolate bundt cake, and Hershey Kiss cookies. I even heated up some spiced apple cider on the stove top. Yum!! I couldn't wait.
So, at 7:00, all the food was out and ready, the cider was warm, the Yankee Candle was lit, the tree was on, the Christmas music was playing softly in the background, and Tim and I were .... waiting. And waiting. And waiting some more. And still waiting. And did I mention WAITING??? Here's the moral of the story: (1) If no one RSVPs to your party, then NO ONE is coming!!! (no matter how much you want them to anyway); and (2) Unlike towns where normal people live, if you live in an urban area such as Pasadena, then your neighbors don't care about getting to know you, don't want you to get to know them, and will ignore or flat-out reject invitations to break this comfortable but regrettable status quo! (or so appears to be the case).
Seriously, how bizarre is it, that we spend our lives less than 15 feet away from people who we don't even know the slightest thing about? What is wrong with this trend? Are Tim and I the only ones experiencing it? I admit it, we were social risk-takers this week, placing ourselves on the Pedestal of Extreme Vulnerability and finding ourselves neighbor-less and stuffed with tasty food by the end. Evidently, our social experiment failed (or succeeded?) in the way that we were most curious about.
Epilogue: Don't worry about us, everything turned out fine. After waiting for about 30 minutes, we ended up calling on some good friends to come over and help us out with all the delicious party food. Jacob, Tak, Paul, and Ciana came to the rescue, saved us each from 20 potential pounds, and hung around for a rousing 4 games of electronic Guesstures (SO fun... highly recommended). Then as they left, they loudly praised us for our awesome Neighbor Party. Hahaha. Thanks guys. Our neighbors might not want to step out of their comfort zones, but thank goodness for good friends.
The sumptuous spread!
Waiting...
Still waiting...
Any minute now...!!!
That's it... we're starving... let's eat. :-)
18 comments:
Hygiene & Tim -- I remember a quote from an article in TIME Magazine by an urban apartment dweller who said, "I have wonderful neighbors. I don't know them, and they don't know me."
It's like that here too! I THINK I know my upstairs neighbor's name, at least the guy. And just today (after being here since August) I met my next door neighbor, the husband anyway. And they have three kids too so I totally thought that would've happened sooner. Oh well! Their loss and in the mean time, keep trying right? I'm glad you had friends to help you eat the food! We would've been there in a heartbeat! :)
You guys rock. I am terribly impressed with your initiative. We lived in Mexico for 12 years and never met our neighbors... except for the mean guy next door who stole our basketball. Not exactly neighborly, in my opinion.
Oh, how sad! But I agree with everyone else--props for trying. You know, we were anti-social in Wymount at first, mainly because of my insecurities of being so young. It wasn't until the new people asked US over for dinner that we finally opened up. So I'm all about people taking initiative.
Random question, but I just found out that I have a cousin who lives in Pasadena--I know it's a big city, but he's LDS so I thought I'd try. They're Leland and Tammy Selden and they have... some kids. Ha. Can you tell that my family is really close?
How sad, I also would have attended your party!
How cute are you two!! Ahhh!! The Petersons would of been there in a second! A whole evening hanging out with some of the coolest people on the planet? Who could turn that down? Not to mention, that the food looks AMAZING!! I'm very impressed with your efforts, but not surprised. You are always up to something GOOD!! Love you!!
That's really quite funny. I applaud your efforts though and I'm glad you tried to branch out. At least now when you pass your neighbors on the way out the door, you can say hello and not feel awkward...while they will feel EXTREMELY awkward. I'm glad you had real friends over to scarf down some food. Tis the season!
You guys put on a fun party with yummy food for your neighbors. You know we would have been there (unless Matt was studying for a stupid accounting test ha ha). Reading this post made us very sad for you, but we were laughing once we saw the pictures. You make us laugh. We would have TOTALLY been there if we weren't like 5000 miles away. By the way, when are you coming to visit us in NYC?
From Matt & Lillian (We're reading your blog together)
That is totally crazy!! I can't believe that NO ONE showed up and NO ONE even mentioned it!! Lame.
You could have had an impromptu movie night to help get rid of all the food too. I feel a need to see Elf coming on...
Sorry your neighbors are lame, but I think I may choose that over my busybody, crazy neighbor upstairs.
Sammy has heard me call her "crazy lady" so many times now, that the last time he saw her walking by he told me "hey mom there's crazy lady". I couldn't shove him into the house fast enough...
How sad! I wonder why people are so scared to be friendly? Good for you for trying, though! P.S. You look so cute in your pregnancy pictures! Can't wait to see the little guy!
aww... that's so sad! I don't think any of our neighbours would have come either (since none of them speak english!) so don't feel bad! That was a good idea though! It would have been fun if it worked out!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Oh, Jean. How I live thee... let me count the ways. Well, I just do, there isn't more to count then that. You know, Jean, I don't know if it's your neighbors that are the exception, or California... or just YOU. You are by far more friendly then the average person ANYWHERE. Yes, that's it. The exception is you. And I mean that as more a compliment then anything else. (you could've packed the yummy food in your car and headed down to the Nutter's...) You KNOW we're always up for games and free food!;)
Oh my goodness, Jean, I would've been there in a heart beat, along with half of the ward! Yeah, but even here in Wymount I must say that it's not perfect, I know I could be friendlier. I think it's silly sometimes how we live so close to people and don't know hardly anything about them. Yum, those cookies look good, anyway. . . hope all is well with your pregnancy!
Like Liz, I am also totally impressed with your initiative. Thats awesome. Too bad no one came! We would have come... if we weren't a couple thousand miles away. The food looks like it was delicious!
That is so bizzare. I can't believe they all figured they could remain annoymous and just not rsvp OR show up. Esp when they live next door! I hope you'll still say hey to them when you see them. But I probably wouldn't invite them over again!
I would have come. Maybe one day, in a perfect world, we'll be neighbors.
awesome experiment guys! i've noticed that too in some places i've lived. it's kinda scary too b/c what happens in an emergency would someone try and knock on our door or break a window to save my dog? simply put, if we don't know our neighbors how can we trust them not to steal our mail, nab our kids, etc. seriously it's disturbing. all you can really do is make an effort!
I used to try reaching out to people in our ward that I didn't know. They didn't show up, so now I just plan parties and invited our friends. That way I don't feel like a loser at the end of the night (because people show up, and they're actually people I enjoy!)
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