Tim Alone Journal Entries

[DAY 4]

I’ve had a bit of a stomach ache today, and I’m not really sure why. I wonder if the milk that I’ve been pouring on my peanut M&M’s for breakfast is too far beyond its expiration date. I thought that diluting it with that melted ice cream would extend its shelf life, but maybe it wasn’t enough. I’m sure I’ll figure it out…

The last few days have gone well. I’ve pretty much just been commuting to work, working, and commuting home. It’s so quiet here, and I’ve been sleeping pretty well. The bed’s been kind of colder than usual, but I’ve got a plan to remedy that: I’m going to leave the front door open tonight. There are always cats and raccoons rooting through the garbage cans, and I’m sure one of them will be lured in by the can of tuna fish I’ve emptied onto Jean’s pillow. How could it resist a nice snack and a warm bed?

[DAY 7]

Well, I think I’ve gotten most of the raccoons out. That probably wasn't the best idea; they're very territorial. And did you know that raccoons snore? I didn't either. They’re a wily bunch, too. A couple of them holed up in the linen closet and I had to empty the whole thing to get them out. I think most of the spare toilet paper will be salvageable, but some of those towels are going to have to go.

Besides that, it’s been pretty uneventful. I’ve been playing Xbox, watching movies, playing dress-up… I can’t believe they’ve only been gone for a week! The silence is starting to get to m—what was that?! Hold on…

Turns out the scary box under the window was just the radiator. Whew! Anyway…

I’ve noticed that the food supplies are getting rather low. Usually around this time, the cupboards fill up again with food to eat and ingredients to make meals and such. I think I know what’s happening… The raccoons have laid siege to the apartment! They’re stopping the flow of supplies in an effort to starve me out. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but if you find this journal entry, please tell Jean and Weston that I love them, and that I'm sorry for cramming 11 cookies into the VCR.

[DAY 9]

Apparently the raccoon siege is worse than I thought. What started as a blockage of food supplies seems to have expanded to include clothing as well. I noticed the other day that my supply of socks and underwear was dwindling. It didn’t alarm me at first—like the food, this happens often: they start to run out but are replenished in the nick of time. But I’ve suddenly found myself out of clean clothes to wear. It looks like they are trying to deprive me of the necessities of food, clothing and shelter. I can’t leave, or they’ll lock me out! I know that’s what they’re doing.

I’ve managed to craft a toga-like garment from the shower curtain, and it really brings out the blue in my eyes. I’ll soon be finished with my bathmat briefs, and then I think I’ll move on to a pillowcase loincloth. Who’d have thought I could be so resourceful? Now I’ve just got to figure out how I’m going to get to work without the raccoons taking over the apartment…


[DAY 11 - TODAY]

I now know that long time without make conversation with wife make my words go away. I talk to work people, but not same. Tim sound like Hulk. Ha ha. Tim make raccoons go away. Tim very smart. He tells them there are treats in laundry room and then locks them in. They not get my apartment!

I hope Jean and Weston come home soon. Tim miss family. Tim want make talk with wife and make words come back. So quiet and lonely here. Maybe I open door and let raccoons come back in again after all. Raccoons no talk much, but they listen. And scratch. Oh, heavens, the scratching…

Pray for Mojo.