First a disclaimer: This is a post by Tim. The opinions found in this commentary do not represent the views of Jean Anderson or any of her subsidiaries. On with the post…
Imagine the following (metaphorical) scenario: You are a young child and have always wanted a puppy. Christmas morning comes, and under the tree you see a puppy-shaped box (I said use your imagination). Your heart jumps for joy! As everyone opens his/her presents, you save that special box for last, knowing that it will make your every dream come true. Finally, the moment arrives, and you open the box! Inside, however, all you find is a note that says, “Sorry, the puppy ran away.”
Here’s another scenario (bear with me…): You find a treasure map in an old trunk in the attic. After months—nay, years—of anticipation and preparation you’ve put together an expedition to recover the treasure. You follow the clues, you dodge the traps (unfortunately losing a couple of members of your expedition—collateral damage, you tell yourself), and you finally arrive at the burial site. After hours of frantic digging, you unearth a box! Then when you open it, all it contains is an expired Denny’s coupon for buy-one-get-one “Moon Over My Hammy.”
It is my hope that these scenarios can come close to conveying my unfortunate experience with a childhood hero this past May 22. No, Indy didn’t touch me there, but he might as well have; I’m just as scarred by our encounter. I bring this up now, as I currently face a daunting dilemma: the film-that-must-not-be-named has been released on DVD today.
Does the DVD collector/completist in me buy it to round out (square out?) the quadrilogy, or does the Indiana Jones fan in me continue to deny its very existence, shunning it from my home? Do I give it a second chance? It may be worth it for the special features (wow, how did they make such a crappy movie?). I’ve been hurt already by this film, and I don’t want to get hurt again. What say you, loyal readers of the blog? I don’t want to just run a poll, because I want more feedback than just a “yay” or “nay”. Who is on Indy’s side, who?
Imagine the following (metaphorical) scenario: You are a young child and have always wanted a puppy. Christmas morning comes, and under the tree you see a puppy-shaped box (I said use your imagination). Your heart jumps for joy! As everyone opens his/her presents, you save that special box for last, knowing that it will make your every dream come true. Finally, the moment arrives, and you open the box! Inside, however, all you find is a note that says, “Sorry, the puppy ran away.”
Here’s another scenario (bear with me…): You find a treasure map in an old trunk in the attic. After months—nay, years—of anticipation and preparation you’ve put together an expedition to recover the treasure. You follow the clues, you dodge the traps (unfortunately losing a couple of members of your expedition—collateral damage, you tell yourself), and you finally arrive at the burial site. After hours of frantic digging, you unearth a box! Then when you open it, all it contains is an expired Denny’s coupon for buy-one-get-one “Moon Over My Hammy.”
It is my hope that these scenarios can come close to conveying my unfortunate experience with a childhood hero this past May 22. No, Indy didn’t touch me there, but he might as well have; I’m just as scarred by our encounter. I bring this up now, as I currently face a daunting dilemma: the film-that-must-not-be-named has been released on DVD today.
Does the DVD collector/completist in me buy it to round out (square out?) the quadrilogy, or does the Indiana Jones fan in me continue to deny its very existence, shunning it from my home? Do I give it a second chance? It may be worth it for the special features (wow, how did they make such a crappy movie?). I’ve been hurt already by this film, and I don’t want to get hurt again. What say you, loyal readers of the blog? I don’t want to just run a poll, because I want more feedback than just a “yay” or “nay”. Who is on Indy’s side, who?
12 comments:
Hmm... I'm gonna go ahead and say, I'm on Indy's side, I. I personally would like to see the movie again, but I'll only buy it if you promise not to sulk or sniffle every time you look at the DVD box. (At least not too noticeably.)
I say buy it and get an attitude change about it while you're at the register.
;)
Sometimes movies are just for entertainment. Sometimes they're more. Sometimes they're less. It was a good time. It wasn't AMAZING. But, trust me, I've seen worse.
Get the DVD and just chalk it up to OCD if you have any buyer's remorse.
Wow two highly misinformed comments are before mine.
If an artist throws a pile of trash in a room and says its art, do you pay to go see that? Do you support it? Why not? Because paying and viewing it validates it.
When a director throws a pile of trash into a theater and you pay for it, thus supporting it ( Warranting ANOTHER film, hooray) that tells the director that he has a mass of loyal fans that will eat up any gristle he scatters around. Seeing it in the theater is a little different because it was going in blindly to experience it.
What you are asking, is if I throw acid into my eyes again, will it burn as bad. Didn't the searing pain hurt enough the first time?
No you are the abused spouse.
"Maybe this time it will be better, I think it might of changed"
NO. Dont pay for it. Dont support it. Get it down the line when you can get it used from some other schmuck who thought it would be different this time around, who had to feel his shredded child hood hero leak from his heart once again.
I think "Tiff" Works for the government and is full of lies.
Ps. My vote counts for 5. Actual fans of the series get more credibility points. OH SNAP.
Even though the film was not great, much more enjoyable "slightly" that Indiana, the hulk. get that instead with your allowance.
Best friend #2 over and out.
If someone shot your puppy would hang the gun on your wall?! :) That being said, the special features are probably pretty cool...
oh yeah, and at least the soundtrack was really cool too...
I thought this post was going to be about home ownership. Disappointing, Tim.
I can't really say, as I've never seen ANY Indiana Jones movies, and I just saw that "Transformers" flick you spoke of a few posts ago and thought it was a big pile of crap... a very beautiful (graphics-wise) pile of crap, but crap still. So you can pretty much consider my opinion on this topic null and void.
Wow, I had no idea that "Tiff works for the government and is full of lies" Wow!!
John and I always complete series, even when we dont' like the last one as much (example: X men). It's weird, but somehow fulfilling. And, after hating the 3rd X-Men forever, once I saw it again it actually wasn't as bad as I remember.
I always loved Indiana Jones growing up (though it scarred me with a fear of skeletons that haunts me to this day). After hearing people's comments about the movie, I couldn't bring myself to watch it and ruin the perfect Indy-ness of my memories. I say no. Don't buy it. It was never made. Indian Jones is a trilogy.
(Can you tell I enjoy a little denial every now and then?)
I'm in the no camp. I'm not even a huge Indy fan (can I admit that? If it's any justification I think I came along just a little bit too late for it, and lived in a house full of girls...) so I didn't have many expectations this summer. And I was still sorely disappointed. Booooo to the Crystal Skull.
I have to agree with my wife that you shouldn't buy it. It really was an incredibly horrible movie.
But I guess you could buy it, watch the special features, let Jean watch it with you while you remember every reason that you hate it. Then you can burn it in some sort of ritual sacrifice in order to cleanse your home and appease the Indy spirits.
I vote "no" to buying it. Instead, take the money you would have spent and donate it to a Foundation for therapy for disappointed and betrayed Indy fans. (Just like not buying OJ's book and, instead, donating the money to a shelter for abused women.) Same thing. Vote your conscience.
Just tell yourself it was a trilogy and don't buy the new one. Unless you liked the X-files ending.
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